The last four months have taught me a lot about this! They have taught me that plans change. They have taught me about slowing down when I wanted to keep moving. They have taught me about accepting help when I would rather be the one helping. They have taught me that sometimes strength looks completely different from what we have been taught to believe.
Most importantly, they have reminded me that marriage is not only about standing beside your husband when he needs you. Sometimes marriage is about allowing your husband to stand beside you. So, this month, we are doing a continuation from the last two months and opening A Wife's Toolbox and pulling out another tool that I believe every wife needs:
TOOL #3: THE WILLINGNESS TO REMAIN VULNERABLE
Now we come to the tool that may be the hardest of the three.
Vulnerability.
Because authenticity says, "This is where I am." But vulnerability says, "And I trust you enough to let you into this place with me." There is a difference. You can be honest and still guarded. You can tell someone what happened without letting them see how deeply it affected you. You can say, "I'm fine," while quietly deciding that you will handle everything yourself.
But marriage invites us into something deeper. Marriage gives us the opportunity to be known. And being known requires vulnerability. For wives who are accustomed to taking care of everyone else, vulnerability can feel uncomfortable. Sometimes receiving is harder than giving. Sometimes being cared for is harder than being the caregiver.
Sometimes saying, "I can't do this by myself," requires more courage than doing everything yourself ever did. The last several months have reminded me of something I want every wife reading this to hear: There will be seasons when you cannot do for yourself what you normally do.
And in those seasons, let your husband love you. It feels AMAZING💜
Let him help you. Let him pray for you. Let him carry something. Let him see the part of you that does not have all the answers. Let him sit with you when there is nothing to fix. Let him remind you that you do not have to be strong every minute of every day. That does not make you weak. That makes you married.
Galatians 6:2 tells us: "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Notice the Scripture says one another's burdens. That means sometimes I carry yours. And sometimes you carry mine.
WHEN YOU CAN'T DO IT FOR YOURSELF
This may be the lesson that has touched me most deeply during this season. Some moments, you simply cannot be everything you normally are. Your body may say no. Your emotions may say no. Your circumstances may say no. And the woman who has always figured it out suddenly finds herself in unfamiliar territory. What do you do when you cannot do it for yourself?
You allow love to show up.
Not the romanticized version of love. Not flowers and fancy dinners. I'm talking about covenant love. The love that rearranges schedules. The love that sits in waiting rooms. The love that asks, "What do you need?" The love that does what you normally would have done. The love that recognizes you are tired before you say it. The love that covers you when you cannot cover yourself. The love that stays.
Sometimes we become so focused on being a "good wife" that we forget to give our husbands the opportunity to be good husbands. Let him.
You do not always have to be the strong one. You do not always have to know the next move. You do not always have to fix it. You do not always have to carry everybody. Sometimes the most courageous thing you can do in marriage is open your hands and say: "I need you right now."
THREE TOOLS WORKING TOGETHER
Now I understand why these three tools belong in the same toolbox.
Pivoting says:
I am willing to adjust.
Authenticity says:
I will not lose myself while adjusting.
Vulnerability says:
I will let you walk through the adjustment with me.
That's marriage. Not perfection. Not performance. Partnership.
We pivot when the season requires it. We remain authentic enough to tell the truth about where we are. And we stay vulnerable enough to allow the person we married to meet us there.
A WORD TO THE STRONG WIFE
I especially want to speak to the wife everyone calls strong. The wife everybody depends on. The wife who can organize it, fix it, pray about it, work through it, and somehow make everything happen. Sis, strength is a beautiful thing. But strength was never supposed to become a prison. You do not have to prove your strength by refusing help. You do not have to protect your identity by refusing to pivot. And you do not have to protect your heart by shutting your husband out.
Sometimes strength looks like surrender. Sometimes strength looks like receiving. Sometimes strength looks like crying. Sometimes strength looks like changing the plan. Sometimes strength sounds like three simple words: "I need you."
THE WIFE'S TOOLBOX CHALLENGE
This month, I want you to sit with these questions:
Where do I need to become vulnerable?
Have I allowed my husband to truly see me, support me, and love me in this season?
Don't rush your answers. Pray over them. Talk about them together. And remember: the goal is not to discover what is wrong with your marriage. The goal is to discover where your marriage has room to become deeper.
A PRAYER FOR OUR MARRIAGES
Father, thank You for the gift of marriage and for the person You have chosen to walk beside us through life's changing seasons. Give us wisdom to know when it is time to pivot and courage to release what no longer serves the season You have brought us into. Help us remain authentic. Teach us not to disappear behind titles, responsibilities, expectations, or the need to appear strong.
Give us the courage to remain vulnerable with the husbands You have entrusted to us. Help us to receive love as freely as we give it. When we are strong, teach us to serve. When we are weary, teach us to receive. When the plan changes, teach us to trust You.
And when we cannot carry ourselves, remind us that marriage was never designed for us to carry life alone. Continue strengthening our marriages, deepening our friendships, and teaching us how to love one another through every version of ourselves and every season yet to come.
In Jesus' name, Amen.
BEFORE YOU CLOSE THE TOOLBOX...
The last four months did not unfold exactly as I would have chosen. But they taught me something I don't want to forget. I can pivot without losing myself. I can be authentic without apologizing for where I am. I can be vulnerable without surrendering my strength.
And I can allow the man I married to love me through a season when I cannot do everything for myself. Maybe that is one of marriage's greatest gifts. Not having someone who only celebrates the strongest version of you, but having someone who stays close enough to love you through every version of you.
So, Wife, if your season has changed, pivot. If you have been hiding behind strength, be authentic. And if life has brought you to a place where you need someone to carry part of the load, remain vulnerable enough to let your husband in.
You don't have to lose yourself to love him. And you don't have to carry everything yourself to prove that you are strong. Sometimes the strongest thing a wife can do is trust the covenant enough to say: "This season is different. I'm still me. But right now, I need you."
Keep loving. Keep growing. Keep choosing one another. And most of all...
Keep adding tools to your toolbox. 💜
Until next time,
Lady Tara Kyle
Author of A Wife's Toolbox